The mental soundtrack for today’s blog post is Alanis Morissette’s IRONIC – but only the chorus (and yes, I’m still referencing this over hyped 1996 song. Whatever.);
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
Is the song playing in your head, especially the bolded part above? Ok good, you may continue reading now. 🙂
Since today is Friday, and I haven’t posted in awhile, I’m going to try to fit this into the Seven Quick Takes Blog Link-up over at The Ain’t The Lyceum.
1) Life’s Path. Probably the absolute greatest thing I’ve learned in my own life over the past couple of years and certainly over the past year since I’ve started this blog is this: Life has a way of working things out so that you eventually end up where you do. Which is a vague way of stating that maybe there’s a plan to everything after all.
2) Job Stability. For the previous 5 school years, I worked at the same online charter school and my job stability was pretty secure as long as I wanted to stay there. Here it is now though, only the end of February, and as of next week I will be – for the second time this school year – unexpectedly left without a job due to budget cuts.
3) Leap of Faith. When I convinced KP to allow me to take a leap of faith on a new job back in July, it was a wrong decision in so many ways – but I also somehow KNEW it was the right decision. I had a strange ‘peace’ about it. If you had a religious upbringing, then you probably understand the terminology of a “peace about something”, if you didn’t, you’re probably balking at this idea right now, ha ha. Trust me, having a ‘peace’ about something is something I’m typically way too logical to indulge in either, and it doesn’t totally make sense, so I’ll explain more: For some crazy reason, I just felt that the new job was the place to be for me. When I imagined out in the future and saw the different paths I could take – the path of this job felt unreasonably calm. Not a security blanket, not an escape from my current place in life, not a promise of future wealth or success; it just felt calm. It felt right. It felt like a path of alignment on the way to something greater. I don’t and didn’t know what exactly it would lead to – but it’s what I felt I should take. So, even though KP was not especially keen on the idea at first, I took the job.
4) Change of Plans. The leap of faith of job unexpectedly ended 2 months later. Many would take that as evidence that it really hadn’t been the right thing for me to do in the first place and that I was just deluding myself and trying to assign a higher meaning to a decision that I was likely really making for other purposes. I guess there’s no way to know and all I can go off is what I can tell you. But I will say that even after that leap of faith job was cut, I still had hope. I still believed that taking the job had been the right decision for me and I still somehow sensed that perhaps, perhaps, all this was happening for some strange purpose.
5) Second New Job. I luckily got a second new job quickly at another, brand new, online charter school. But there was chaos at the start and it took some time before my specific job duties were whittled down. I ended up in a position that I’d never done before, but that also, surprisingly, felt like a great fit for my aptitudes and personality. As thankful as I was for a job, and even though I was able to significantly contribute to the excitement of a start up school, I think that, deep down, and though I hated to admit it and tried to ignore it: my heart was not 100% in it. I felt that there was something else in store for me. I felt that this job was just a stepping stone along the continued journey I’d began when I first took that leap of faith in July.
6) Last Day. Today is my last day at this job and I’m tying up loose ends and trying to fathom what the future is going to bring. When I lost my job in October, I was optimistic that it wasn’t too late to still find a 2014-2015 teaching job. But March is an awfully impossible time to look for a teaching position for the current school year. I’m very realistic in realizing that I most likely will not be employed again until the fall. I’m thankful that I’ll be getting a bit of severance and that I should be able to collect unemployment and that KP has a mostly-steady job right now. So we’ll be ok.
7) What Will Be. But I’m feeling very weird today still, as though I’m possibly unceremoniously stepping out of one stage of life and into another. I don’t know what the next stage is and I don’t know if this is just one more stone along the path my original leap of faith put me on. I’m excited and I’m anxious, but I’m also calm. Very calm. I’m trusting that whatever will come will come, and wherever my life goes it will go.
You know what? I’m changing the mental soundtrack of this blog post. It is now the chorus of QUE SERA SERA.
Que Sera, Sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be
Let’s see where we go from here…
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