Last night, or early this morning more like it, I had several (remembered) dreams. None were crazy dreams or odd situations. All were dreams that included people I know either in person or online and all were centered on conversations that would make sense to discuss with that person. I guess it was my mind’s way of sorting out different things currently going on in my life and preparing for things that could or could not actually happen in reality.
One of the dream conversations is particularly staying with me today. It involves a future possibility I’ve been thinking about for awhile now. A possibility that, truth be told, I’ve been quietly, yet very much hoping will work out. It’s something that I know has the potential to be a really big deal and have a really big reach, and it’s something that I’ve somehow felt is ‘supposed’ to happen and what maybe the past several years of mine and KP’s lives were meant to bring us to. But it’s also something that KP and I have completely resigned ourselves to as out of our control; we believe that if it’s something that’s truly meant to happen, then it will happen. We’ve had too many previous years of stress in our lives trying to be in control of outcomes in this industry; it’s nice for once to just sit back and patiently have faith that things will work out as they are supposed to.
But I can’t say that it’s not something that we don’t really want to happen too. We do.
I know it was just a dream, and that dreams are just unfettered thoughts trying out different solutions to problems that could arise in our lives or are on our minds, and that dreams are more a reflection of what’s currently going on in our lives rather than a prediction of future events.
But in this one dream conversation – I was told that the above-mentioned possibility was decided to be passed on and would not happen. In my dream, just as I would in real life, I of course took the rejection gracefully in the moment, but was left to process what this meant for the future. And though only a dream, those emotions have stayed with me today into my waking hours to process instead.
What if that thing I want to happen doesn’t? What if this leap of faith I feel like I’ve been on since last summer really ends in nothing? Is hope a silly thing to have? Was I dumb to have believed that there was something more special in this possibility than usual?
I don’t know. But as I’m today toying with the idea that maybe this thing I’ve been hoping will work out doesn’t, I’m also kind of ok with that. I still overall feel that whatever is meant to happen, will happen. So though I may be sad about it, and I may mourn it for awhile, and I don’t think I will ever stop thinking that it could have done great things, I’d be understanding about it.
Ultimately, what will be, will be.
Though, to be honest, I have a feeling that the above dream really has to do NOT with what the actual dream was about, but instead something completely different: my anxiety about applying for this patent and that I might be doing all this work for nothing if a roadblock pops up that prevents it from actually happening.
Or maybe it really was about the situation I dreamed out.
I guess, as always, the future’s not ours to see and only time will tell.