I’ve been feeling down the past few days. It’s stupid, I know, in the grand scheme of it all. And we’re already so lucky to even have what we have. We have a home, health, happiness. We’re blessed. Truly.

But even still, I’ve found myself discouraged. I can’t tell you how much KP and I would love to move to a new house. A larger house. Or even just a house with enough space for a dining table. Or a second toilet. Or maybe central air. Or a real backyard. Or, such a beautiful thought – HARDWOOD FLOORS {swoon!}.

When we got back from our big roadtrip a week ago and looked ahead to 2018, we let ourselves dream. We started looking online at rental homes in the area. I even went to a couple showings. Just because. And you know what?

I fell in love with a rental house.

It was perfect. Not very big, still only 2 bedrooms, an outdated kitchen, but beautiful. Built in 1935. With a lovely backyard. OMG. It was amazing. But it was at the very top of a budget we’d thrown out there as a “maybe” we could afford without actually knowing if we could. And the realtor told me there were already 3 applicants. And that if we wanted to be serious contenders we’d need to be able to move in immediately.

KP and I actually seriously considered the possibility of applying for it. Sure it’d be impulsive, rash. But exciting! The perfect way to start off a new year, right? In a new, clean, pretty, bright, happy home? With hope and promise of better things to come?

But.
We just couldn’t do it. We hadn’t sat down and looked at our finances closely enough. We weren’t sure what we afford. The timing was not right for us. So we – sadly, oh so sadly 🙁 – had to let the possibility of the most perfect house for us go.

It’s dumb, I know, but I felt heartbroken. It really seemed like the perfect house for us. 

So, in a sort of consolation, I’ve spent the last couple days house hunting online. Hoping that maybe I’ll find another perfect house. Knowing, of course, that it’s not the right time for us to move yet, but still soaking it all in. Market prices, what’s out there, what we can expect for what cost. 

And I’ve just been feeling really down about it all this weekend. 

This small house we live in has been good to us. I’ve conceived and given birth to all three of my children in this house (four, if you count the pregnancy that didn’t make it). KP and I moved into this house as just a couple, if/when we leave it, we’ll be as a family.  A lot of life has been lived in this house. I’m thankful for the part this house has played in our lives.

But I’m ready to move on from it. To close this chapter of our lives. To start on the next. Whatever that next chapter may be. 

But I don’t know when that next chapter will come, just as I don’t know how much longer this house will be our home. But for right now, this is our home. And I’m proud of it. Proud of what we’ve done with our limited space. Proud of how we’ve done the best we can with what we have. 

I need to clean up my kitchen and laundry area and take pictures of them and fully complete my Family of Five, 700 sq ft Small House Tour blog post series. I need to show off my small house. I need to remind myself to be thankful for what I have and to be proud of this current home again. 

I don’t know what the future will bring. I don’t know if/when it will be the right time to leave here. But I wait patiently. Very patiently. 

And for real everyone – if we’re ever able to move from this place, or heaven forbid!! ever be able to {gasp} BUY a home, just know that it will be a very. very. very. big and exiting deal. And I will tell all of you about it. Like everyday. And it will be glorious. 

But until then. This is where we are. And I’m going to make the best of, and be thankful for, this small home that we have.

Sigh.

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4 Comments on Rambling Ronni: My house is small. We need to move. We can’t move.

  1. It isn’t stupid! I know all too well the heartbreak of falling in love with a house only to decide in the end that it’s just a little too far out of the budget. I’ve done that too many times to count. I so desperately want to move out of our 1900s house, but we’ve made enough changes to make it livable and more to our liking. And there’s always the hope of moving one day.

  2. I don’t normally comment on posts, but just wanted to say how well I think you have made your limited space work for your family 🙂

    As someone on the other side of the same problem (we were in a small space that we outgrew when a child came along and it took us a long time to find the right place to move to) it gets better! You will find the right home at the perfect time and you’ll forever be appreciative of the extra space when you have it. Three years after moving I’m still mindful of how we use our space, even though we have so much more of it!

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