Hope and rejection, two emotions, contrary yet intertwined. This is what I should be writing about tonight. I’ve tried to craft thoughts into words enough to form a post worth reading…but I just can’t do it. Not yet. Not tonight. I’m too fresh off a recent rejection. I need time for hope to seep back in and balance my thoughts.

So until then, here’s what I’m going to write about. Parties. Fancy, fabulous parties.

When I was in high school, I never once attended a party that resembled anything like the high school parties you always see on tv or in the movies. True story. A) People at my (private Christian) school did not do things like that, and B) *I* did not do things like that.

In college, some people did have those those kinds of parties, but since I went to a private Christan college, it was very much against the rules, and very hush-hush. And I still didn’t do those kinds of parties…well, up until my senior year in college, that is. After I was 21. Then I did go to a few of them. I had my one “rebellious” semester, ha ha.

But even if I had attended any of these parties in high school or college, they wouldn’t have been the kinds of fabulous parties I’m talking about here anyways.

Tickets to my first movie premiere!

My first fabulous party was when I was interning in L.A. and won a radio contest and got tickets to the premiere of Van Wilder. Movie premieres are always fun. It’s mostly just a large party at a swanky bar where everything is free. But they are fun. And you just plain feel cool.

Me with Ryan Reynolds at the Van Wilder premiere! Not the best picture of him and I look so young!

I had no idea what to wear to this thing, but it wasn’t a super fancy premiere and so what if I looked like a tourist who won tickets on the radio, who cares? 🙂

I’ve been to a few other premiere parties over the years. Some were cooler than others, but they’ve all been awesome. I’ve never been much of a fancy person, but I do have to say that I have learned how to occasionally enjoy these kinds of parties that otherwise I would consider overindulgent. But they are fun. It’s nice to dress up. It’s nice to feel nice. It’s nice to have nice things around you and have good food and drinks and just, well, feel important for a moment.


The best party I’ve ever been to, by far, was the 2010 HBO Emmy Party. I wish I had more pictures than just this one, but a least I have a single picture to remember the evening. That was back when life was awesome and the future seemed bright. It was a good time in our lives, and we didn’t even know how good we had it. At that time, all we could see were the things we still wanted; we didn’t really know what we had. Sigh…
don’t it always seem to go
that you don’t know what you’ve got
til it’s gone?
(just don’t pave paradise and put up a parking lot, ok? 🙂 )

There were celebrities everywhere, and it kind of freaked me out. For those of you reading who have never maybe met a celebrity, the weirdest thing is that it confuses your mind. Upon first seeing a celebrity, your mind thinks “oh, there’s a person I recognize and know”, but you don’t actually know them at all! And so your mind does this weird twist where it doesn’t know how to place them – do they belong in category friend or foe? And so seeing so many different recognizable faces at that Emmy party really threw my mind for a spin. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED being there, but it was just strange.

For kicks, here are some more pictures of me at various fabulous parties:

Hot Tub Time Machine
Hung Season 2
Hot Tub Time Machine
Hung Season 1
DSCN7130 (4)
Charlotte’s Web










Normally I would feel a bit egotistical in posting all these pictures or talking about these kinds of things, but right now, please know that I am not reminiscing these things in order to brag or make anyone feel excluded. I’m doing this, because, well, I suppose it’s for my own mourning process in response to this recent rejection. I miss these kinds of parties, and feeling the way I’ve felt while attending these kinds of parties. I’d love for there to be more in the future, but at least for the foreseeable future I don’t think there’s a place for them. And while there is some sadness, and some fond memories, it’s also ok. Life will go on. Hope will come back, with or without fabulous parties to attend.



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